Getting over myself. A tale of okay assignment results and getting rid of a selfish attitude.

A 'first world' problem post about 'meh' assignment results. And how selfish I can be.

We received, via email, the results of our first assignment last week. It was an essay. We answered one of two questions, and I chose to write about censorship. It was the first academic essay I'd written in a long time. The bulk of my undergrad degree (creative writing) coursework, was as it said on the tin - creative pieces - and I was fairly clueless as to the level of a postgrad degree essay. I'd never used Harvard referencing (at least not properly) and I was utterly perplexed as to how to go about structuring. But I tried. I did the reading, poured over books and tried to make sense of the confusing and sometimes total lack of laws surrounding censorship. I watched Ted Talks, scoured journals and pieced together 3000 words in what I considered a fairly decent essay covering the main points of censorship. I handed it in two days early. I thought all was well.

And to be honest, all was well. It wasn't terrible. Not at all. I passed. The grade was the correct side of 50%. And that was that.

And that was that.
And that was that.

It wasn't anything to get excited over.
It wasn't ground-breaking writing.
It was just,
well...
that.

It just left me feeling downhearted. I commenced this course, bright eyed and bushy tailed and thinking awesome thoughts. Awesome thought examples:

"This is my calling!"

"I'm basically going to be a female Giles!" (spuffyshipperbtw)

and

"I'm going to re-define a stereotype!"

(tumblr) Yes Giles. Librarians can party too.

And then I got the essay back. And all that conjured up some less awesome thoughts:

"Is this my calling?"

"I'll never be a female Giles. My accent is the wrong sort of British."

and

"I have nothing to contribute to this profession. Go home boring white girl."

After I'd sobbed out my frustration over a hastily order Chinese takeaway, I sent a tearful email to my lecturer asking whether I could re-sit this essay of what I considered fairly 'meh' proportions. I understood what I'd done wrong and wanted to fix it. I then remembered that my lecturer is only in two days a week. So for the next few days I suffered feelings akin to when you send an overly embarrassing, emotional text to a friend whilst drunk. And they don't reply. And you're left waiting for days to see whether they still like you or not. And then I finally received an email. Summed up, it basically said:

You passed. It was fine for a first essay. Get over yourself.

But in much nicer terms, because my lecturer is actually super fantastic.
And you know what? She was right. Sure, I'm not "super-librarian" yet. But it was the first essay. I'm still in the baby steps of learning all this stuff and now I know what (and what not) to include in my next assignment.

I struggled, in the aftermath of receiving my result, to find the motivation to begin my next essay, due in in a couple of weeks. I wondered what the point was. I didn't want to put in all the effort again jut to get a similar 'meh' result. I phoned JJ on his lunch break for some motivation. He had wise words:
"Remember you've paid for this degree. Like, money. Lots of it."
Oh yeah. When nothing else can get you motivated, remember: You can't afford to do it again.

In all seriousness, not just because of the money thing, I am over myself. I was lucky and I know a few members of my class are having a far worse time than myself. Others would have been very happy with my result. In a moment of horrible, self-focussed, selfishness I thought it was the end of the world because I wasn't awesome yet. Which is the worse kind of attitude to have ever and I'm mentally slapping it out of myself right now because I don't want to be that sort of person. Tis the season to be grateful, and appreciate that I passed at all.

I will power through till the Christmas hols. Then I will continue to power through because more assignments are due after that. Basically I will not stop powering through for another approx 10 months.

The next post will be uplifting. Or possibly at least slightly less moany.

Over and out.

Hot off the Shelf: What I'm reading - 'Tiger Milk' by Stefanie De Velasco

*No spoilers, but discusses subject matter*

Long time no blog. Long story short I've been up to my eyeballs in other stuff but I really miss blogging so I'm gonna make more of an effort to get one post done each week. We'll see later how that goes. I'll apologise now for the grammar and way this is written. I think it's because I'm trying so hard to formalise my essays and stuff everything else I write come out like word-vom right now.

For now, the most pressing thing I want to talk about is what I've been reading outside of uni. There's been some very *ahem* enlightening books I've read recently about systems management and censorship and other joy-bringing topics, but let's stick to the fun stuff. Not only have I recently finished The Sandman graphic novels by the beautiful Neil Gaiman (might do another post about that. Not sure how I can sum up my thoughts on it without my head exploding with awe though), but I picked up, by chance, a book called Tiger Milk from my library the other week whilst collecting some other reservations. Tiger Milk is the literary debut from author Stephanie De Velasco. It was only released this month (at least the English translation anyway) and this is the cover:

(Image from Waterstones.com)

 

It was the cover that made me pick it up, I love it. For some reason, upon initial glance, I thought it might be about India (being where most Tigers live...I think) but nope, Tiger Milk is set in the grittier edges of Germany. It's written from the perspective of German teen Nini, and we follow her, her best fried Jameelah, and her other friends over one summer. For those wildly offended by such things I'll mention now this book contains smoking, swearing, under-aged sex and drinking, attempted suicide and murder. But it's not you're typical bad-girl book. At least I didn't think so. I think it was very real and those commenting on Goodreads saying that the girls were too young to be doing this that and the other, clearly were never a teen in the last twenty years. Characters were brought across to the reader effortlessly, I felt by the end I knew even some of the minor characters quite well. Even the stranger characters like Aslagon and Apollo, who early on in the book, demand nail clippings from Nini and Jameelah so they can "build the ship and bring on the apocalypse." I've only been to Germany a couple of times and knew none of the places in this books, but again, throughout the book Velasco paints a really clear picture of each setting so you feel you know what she's talking about (or you can imagine you do anyway). The dialogue flicks between blunt, reported style speech (hardly any of the book has any more punctuation than full stops and question marks) and lengthy, dream like passages - almost fairy tale-esque, like when Jameelah talks about the mythical, see-through beast she saw in her dreams that was a cross between a kangaroo and a dragon but lived in the water and purred like a cat. Or the purple spiral staircase Nini sees when she sleeps with people. I loved this mix of the real and the weird. It felt like being permanently drunk, or in and out of sleep whilst reading it.

Because it was written in the way someone would talk to you, and the girls were really interesting characters, I finished this in about two days. I just kept picking it up. I haven't had that in a long time so it was refreshing. I was shocked in parts, I reminisced at others, but the ending was brutal and sad and really brought to light the harsh reality underlying the whole book, even the more light-hearted parts. Most of all Tiger Milk made me want to be a teen again.

FYI: Tiger Milk is a drink; a mix of milk, Mariacron Brandy and Maracuja Juice. From the book:
"Pour a little of the school cafeteria milk, a lot of the maracuja juice and a decent slug of brandy into the Muller jar." You gotta stir it with your finger. The original German text was released in 2013 and called TigerMilch, if you want to read it in German. Buy it from Waterstones, and see what others have to say on Goodreads. Or just stumble across it in the library like I did.

Over and out.

Children's Literature - the Modern Classics.

I've just finished week two of my Masters course. I am enjoying it oh so very much and I'm loving the exciting 'back to school' vibe that seems to be staying with me, regardless of the torrential rain that's set in recently. I'm learning stuff and making new friends and reading lots. I've learnt the pro's and con's of Manchester's bus and rail network and spent more time in libraries in the past two weeks than I have done in the past two months.

I wanted to do a post today about something we've been studying in one particular module: Literature and it's Readers. This term is about children's literature, and how children's reading skills develop. For the past couple of lectures we've been learning about, amongst other things, what makes a classic children's book. What is it that causes certain books: The Hobbit, Charlotte's Web, The Railway Children, The Chronicles of Narnia and many others, to bridge generation gaps. What is it about these books that means your Granny read them, and your grandkids probably will too. Obviously, just because it is a classic, it doesn't mean you'll love it. Swallows and Amazons is a classic children's book. I tried reading it last year and found it very dull. I gave up (for now...one day I'll finish it, as it's on the BBC top 100 reads list I want to complete. Curse it's spine and bindings.) And it doesn't mean that just because it's a classic, it is never reappraised, or edited through the years. Of course they are. A famous example being Enid Blyton's Faraway Tree series.

Spot the old edition!

 

No longer do Dick and Fanny climb into magical lands with their neutrally named family members. Various edits for now, seemed to have settled on Rick and Frannie as the least offensive alternatives. Apart from little name changes, edits are often made to change offensive political, racial, or gendered elements. But the question I was faced with, was essentially, even after we have to edit them as the years go by, how do these books stand the test of time. It is most simply boiled down to a few bullet points.

 

1. An element of timelessness. If you set the story in a time frame anywhere but the present, it's less likely to date.

2. Characterisation

3. Literary Style

4. Imagination

5. Theme

6. Dramatic episodes Kids like to be scared (to a point). It's exciting!

7. Humorous episodes. They also love to laugh. Anything weird is hilarious if you're six.

 

But the more important thing I wanted to talk about here is the concept of Modern children's classics. Which authors, who've been writing more recently, do we think will live on through their literature. This is partially a matter of opinion. But sometimes fairly obvious. We were asked to bring to our lecture, a modern children's book that we believed had the makings of a children's classic. Half the class, myself included, brought in a Roald Dahl book. Dahl, to me, is classic children's literature in the making for sure. Our generation loved him as children, and when I was volunteering at a primary school last year, kids still love him just as much. Wondercrump, as the BFG would say.

 

Dahl: Modern Classic Material

 

But what else made the cut? We were split into groups of about three and asked to pick five books or authors we thought would make modern classics, ignoring Harry Potter and The Hunger Games. Here's what we settled on, in no particular order:

 

His Dark Materials Trilogy - Philip Pullman

The Jolly Pocket Postman - Janet Ahlberg

Jacqueline Wilson 

Dick King Smith (Not to be confused with Rick King Smith...)

We're going on a Bear Hunt - Michael Rosen

 

Other suggestions included Meg and Mog, The Mr Men/Little Miss books, The Very Hungry Caterpillar and The Gruffalo . And a load more that would take me forever to type. Who knows which of these books will still be read in the future. We could take a really bleak look at this and say that books won't exist in two hundred years (or maybe humans won't), so it doesn't matter. But the curious book worm inside me hopes some of these are still being enjoyed in 2214.

 

For now I'm off to finish Treasure Island, after a recommendation.

 

Over and out.





Hot off the Shelf: What I'm reading - 'The Clan of the Cave Bear' by Jean Auel

No spoilers

If I'm going to review a book, I usually do it really soon after reading it. I finished The Clan of the Cave Bear on the fourteenth of the month, approximately two weeks ago, so really it's not fresh in my little reading brain, so I should probably leave well alone. 

But for a couple of reasons I wanted to come back and have my say on this one. I wouldn't have picked up the book normally. The cover reminded me a little of an adult Wolf Brother by Michelle Paver. I read Wolf Brother whilst at university, after a recommendation from JJ, who had enjoyed reading it as a kid. So I read it. I remember it being okay, but found it a little forgettable. For instance, I cannot now remember the main characters name. I feared I would have the same reaction to The Clan of the Cave Bear, as I did to Wolf Brother. However, it was on the BBC Big Read list that I'm trying to work through, at number 97 (out of 100) and I spied it whilst visiting Manchester central library, so thought I'd give it a whirl. 

How do you even pronounce that surname anyway?

Now, this book seems to be, on Goodreads at least, a bit of a Marmite book. People love it and people hate it. There aren't many 'it was okay' kind of reviews. But first, a rapid plot outline.

It's set in the times of the Neanderthals. Mammoths and giant cave bears roam the physical plane and totem spirits determine your fate in hunting and mating. Ayla, a blonde, fair, five year old child is left alone and presumably orphaned when a giant earthquake destroys everything she ever knew. She's picked up by a group of travelling Neanderthal, who are looking for a new cave to live in after the same earthquake destroyed their last one. The rest is best surmised by Goodreads:

"Ayla inspires first surprise, then wariness and finally acceptance by the Clan. She is cared for by its medicine woman Iza and its wise holy man Creb. Only their future leader, Broud, is not willing to accept this strange woman. Consumed with hatred, he does all he can to destroy her. But Ayla bears the marks and the spirit of her totem, the Cave Lion. She is a survivor."

People seem to have two main issues with this book. 

1) Little white girl can do everything better than the slow, dying race that are the Neanderthals. They see her as an annoying 'golden child' and see the author as being a little white-supremacist. 

2) Do you even science? Readers are picking holes here there and everywhere in the claims Auel makes about Neanderthals, what they looked like, how they lived and everything that Auel has written about their world. 

So my opinion? First a confession: I know next to nothing about the Neanderthals. So I won't lie, the historical subtext... I have no clue. I enjoyed the little tit-bits of information scattered throughout the text and did not consider it 'info dumping' as some have suggested it feels like. 

I consider myself sensible enough to take everything with a pinch of salt, and research the things I find interesting, to separate the fact from fiction. I guess what the historical nit-pickers are worried about is that people will take what Auel has written, as the whole truth and nothing but the truth. The Clan of the Cave Bear is very plausible and well written - It sounds like Auel knows what she's on about, because she writes with such conviction. This hasn't changed my opinion - I will not assume that that period of history is exactly how it is portrayed in this book because I have an ounce of common sense in me. I enjoyed her portrayal of the era, and the facts strewn around within the novel because they all added so well to the story. I think the people here need to remember that this is a work of fiction. If she got some things wrong, well, she's only human and new discoveries are being made all of the time. The book was written in the 80's. 

(evolutionanimation.wordpress.com)

As for the golden child syndrome issue - I don't think there is one. Yes Ayla does some things better than the Neaderthals. But they do things better than her too. They teach her things. Iza, the medicine woman, takes her in in the first place, almost adopts her. That compassion sets her, and the Neanderthals in general, very high in my esteem right from the word go.  The Neanderthal people survived the earthquake (most of them anyway) - Ayla's family did not. As I understand it, Ayla's race did eventually continue to evolve, whereas the Neanderthals eventually died out. So with that in mind, perhaps the fact that Ayla could do some things better than the Neanderthals was simply based in historical/scientific fact. (Please, pre-history boffins out there, do, do correct me if I am wrong here.)

Overall I really enjoyed reading this book. I could curl up and escape into a pre-historic world for a couple of chapters, pop it down, do something else, then come back a while later and immerse myself again. I really liked the characters, and I felt like you really knew them by the end of the novel. A good one to read in an armchair on a stormy night. With toast and tea. Lovely. 

From your favourite person that knows nothing about the prehistoric era,

Over and out. 

A beginning and an end.

My course starts on the 22nd September. I am raring to go, super keen and oh so excited. I want to meet other library lovers and learn about boring things like copyright laws and the benefits of various shelving systems. I want to go to Manchester City Library's reading room (my new favourite place ever) and do all my work. I want to be productive! I joined, not only my local library, but the main one in the city too, and we only moved into our new place a week ago. There's still some boxes to be tripped over and a shower that I swear pumps water from the arctic, despite hot water flowing to the rest of the flat fine, but other than that it's just a waiting game at the minute. That and applying for jobs. Anyone out there want to hire me? Because I am rapidly running out of pennies and would love to earn some, pronto. That would be the beginning mentioned in the title post...and the end?

I finished my summer reading challenge *grin*. I have received no certificate, and no medal. However I have a lovely tingly feeling and six books crossed off my list that I wanted to read. My original list included Robinson Crusoe. I replaced this with Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen, as I decided this was a book I wanted to read sooner rather than later. I might read Crusoe at some point, but for now, Kaysen's memoir was just the ticket. I also (finally) read the first Game of Thrones book, something I've been meaning and urged by friends to do for ages now. I was pleasantly surprised. I thought it would be hard going and not my cup of tea. However I really enjoyed it and some day would like to read the rest of the series. Right now I'm treating myself to some previously unread Atwood and then continuing my ever on going challenge to one day complete the BBC 's Big Read Top 100 books list, with The Clan of the Cave Bear by Jean M Auel, which is number 92 on the list. I've only read about 39 or so from the list. Perhaps it will be my aim to read all 100 by next summer. Or maybe next Christmas. There's some hefty books on there.

Things all quiet at the moment but looking forward to blogging again when the term officially starts! For now,

Over and Out.

In Preperation. Also my summer reading challenge update!

First off, just to keep you updated, I am officially halfway through my very own summer reading challenge! Three books have been read and three books are yet to be. I finally completed Gone with the Wind on a very long and boring train journey. Then, as is my custom, spent an hour mulling over the book in my head. Asking and answering questions, pondering over the actions of some characters and linking everything possible to my own life. Yeah I do this. Doesn't everyone? Or I at least decide what I would have done if I was in the situation of the characters. Not that it helps. *SPOILER* Gone with the Wind ends pretty miserably. Worth a read, if you can stomach the casual racism (which I very nearly couldn't). Why were humans so horrible to each other? Why are they still so horrible to each other? I think that's a topic for another blog.

Anyway, these next few weeks are going to  be all about Preparation. With a capital P. Because...well I don't know. For a bit of Emphasis. Grammar Nazi people avert your eyes. Many apologies.

I am awaiting information from MMU about my upcoming Library and Information Management masters degree. All I know so far is that it starts sometime in September. Which is kinda vague. More information would be great a.s.a.p as I really need to start applying for jobs. And I can't do that until I know when I need to be in Uni. So we wait. Me and JJ officially have signed the papers for our new flat, which will allow us to both be closer to his new job and the MMU campus. I had to give someone lots of money to secure this flat. My debit card had a little migraine afterwards.

Waiting is horrible. A reading list might be useful right about now, as I could be getting my nerd on and getting ahead on some things. I literally have very little to do at the moment. I am reading lots and seeing friends. And that is my life essentially. The point to this is that if anyone has any suggestions about prep reading I could be doing, or websites I could be looking through, or people I could be getting to know - tell me! Tell me now! Give me an excuse to avoid packing. Man, I hate packing. It used to be fun. Now I've done it too many times and it just makes me want to hurl all of my possessions out of the window and live purely on the love and goodwill of my fellow humans. But that's just not me. I like my collections of crap. So I guess I should stop grumbling about packing it all up and moving it every year. Where's that parcel tape?

Over and out.

My Summer Reading Challenge

For the past couple of summers, whilst travelling between Wales to see JJ and being at home, I've managed to volunteer at my local library, helping out with the summer reading challenge. This is a great, nation-wide scheme run by a charity called The Reading Agency and chances are it's started in your local library already (98% of UK libraries take part). It's a scheme aimed at kids (although anyone can take part). The challenge is to read six books from the library, earning stickers and little rewards along the way as they do. It's the biggest reading event for kids in libraries and IT IS FREE! FREE! FREE STUFF FOR YOUR CHILDREN! SOMETHING FOR THEM TO DO THAT IS FREE!

FREE THINGS AHMAGERD!

I think I've made my point...

When the kids sign up they get a little pack, with a poster and other goodies to help them track their progress. If they managed to read all six books, they get a medal and certificate and some libraries have a little ceremony to present them. There's always a theme - last years was 'Creepy House' - a sort of haunted house theme. The year before that it was 'Story Lab'. This years is 'Mythical Maze'. I think the 2014 theme is fab. It's a theme that kids of all ages can appreciate, as well as being a great theme to attract boys and girls.

Illustrations this year by Sarah McIntyre

There's lots for the kids to do on the website too. They can find new books to read, recommended by other children, play games and log their progress online if they want to (although this isn't necessary to keep track of your progress, it's something older children might like to do anyway).

Most libraries look for volunteers to help manage and run the challenge, so if you fancy popping to your library a couple of days per week, encouraging kids to read and basically helping to keep things flowing smoother than Michael Bublé chatting up your mum, go forth, and question those nice librarians and see if you can be of assistance. Due to house hunting and lots of uncertainties about my location this summer, I haven't volunteered. Hopefully I will make it next year! However, I've decided to do my own reading challenge. Here's my six books to read this summer:

This Book is Overdue by Marilyn Johnson
The Colour of Magic by Terry Pratchett
Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe
Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
Game of Thrones by George R R Martin
The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman

A couple were given to me as gifts, a couple I found lurking in my room (I think one more read and the copy of Gone with the Wind might fall apart. I have no idea where it came from), and a couple I feel like it's about time I read. I've finished This Book is Overdue, The Graveyard Book and I am currently battling through the thousands of pages that make up Gone with the Wind. Hopefully by the end of August I will have finished the lot and I can buy myself a medal. Sadly I get no poster or stickers along my summer reading challenge journey. If anyone wishes to donate stickers, do message.

It's not too late to sign up your kids/siblings/ChildrenYouChildMind/nieces/nephews/grandkids to the Summer Reading Challenge. So go do it! It doesn't matter if they don't finish, and they'll be proud of themselves if they do! For very young children, books you read to them/with them count too!

See the summer reading challenge on Facebook and use #summerreadingchallenge on Twitter.

For now, I've got to keep going with Gone with the Wind. Apart from struggling with the horrendous racism, I'm wondering if Scarlett O'Hara will ever, during the course of this book, get her head out of her own bum. Only 700 pages to go!!

Over and out.